VILE SMILES

Patty’s day fills my neighborhood with fat people (I know-gross) and tourists.

1) Irish people don’t like your Irish tattoo or multiple Irish tattoos especially when you can’t find their country on a map.

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2) Irish people don’t drink green beer. Green beer is for white trash. Or it’s for black people too who have confused it with a big glass of new flavored Hypnotic.

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3) Irish people don’t like you delivering the punch lines to Irish jokes in a crappy accent. They aren’t impressed. They rather you finish college and learn a second language.

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4) Irish people don’t want to be kissed all the time-they’re not pussies. Instead they want to soak that tee-shirt in Humback Whale pee and set your face on fire.

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5) Irish people don’t care that you are a certain percent Irish and that’s why you always get “blacked the fuck out” every Patty’s Day. They’d rather you be 75% “shut the fuck up” and 25% “dead.”

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6) Irish people don’t like that you’re getting all hip and calling soccer; “football” and pretending to like watching it on TV. I played soccer my whole life. Please believe me when I say I am way better than you. I will say that it is absolutely atrocious to watch. Even I think you’re gay for doing that. Multiply that by a bajillion and cover with a million shiny pink cocks and that is how gay the Irish think your posing is. It’s soccer dude.

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Move your car and go home fat ass.