VILE SMILES

I’m going to get something up like tomorrow-ish. It will be Monday so I will be full of all types of piss and vinegar. Mmmm piss mmmmm vinegar. No I don’t drink pee. But I have. Ok fine, I’ll leave you with this snippet- I used to always have a case of water in my car because water is good for you. You would be in my car and be all like, “Yo Ry-dog-pass me some agua fria.” And I’d be like, “No fucking problem my main man. You got it!” I would give it to you and then I would ask you to shut the fuck up and drink the water so I could rock out to Disintegration…..gently rock out.

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So one who drinks a lot of water in their car has a lot empty bottles in their car. Occasionally I would pee in the bottles while I drove; especially when I would get stuck in traffic. Haha—You just got a mental image of my penis! Queer. Anyway so yeah—I’m a scumbag and would have bottles of piss in my car. You see where this is going?

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One Saturday morning I’m walking out to my car nursing a 5 alarm hangover. I was having dreams the whole night of swimming in Gatorade from being so dehydrated. Super thirsty obviously I get into the car and reach for one of my trusty water bottles, “Oh here is one! Wonderful.” Five seconds later, I realized that I just guzzled about 10 ounces of my own piss. Do I go inside and brush my teeth? Get totally grossed out and vomit? Nope-because I had some Trident in the car. The end—I’ll hit you up with something of substance (by my standards) like asap.