VILE SMILES

Dear lesbian parade in New Wave last night,

We get it, you’re gay.  Here’s your medal.  Actually here’s your trophy; it’s a horizontal plaque as to not be phallic in shape whatsoever –don’t want to set your own trophy on fire.  It reads, “Check us out world, we are champion shitheads.”

This is going to be difficult not to communicate as gay bashing; mostly because I lack tact, but I’ll do my best.  My girlfriend and I are eating and having a couple drinks at the bar when all you cue balls roll in.  This was fine because for the most part you were all pretty cute and could pull off the shaved head.  Actually, no—there was one of you who definitely had a man-head.  But we will let that slide because you girls weren’t going out of your way to look like ass and unattractive. 

However, it all went south when you started to speak; which happens a lot with women but you ladies really upped the ante.  It was all just really loud, obnoxious, ultra fem-boorish banter.  I now know what a “baby-dyke” is and I’m that much more of a shitty person because of it. 

Here is a genuine request-it’s not that you guys were having a massive orgy on the bar or in there trying to scalp penises but please, try not to act like you are from a planet full of four year olds when you go out in public.  We all love your gayness and are really happy for you.  This is coming from a guy who gets asked if he is gay all the time, so it’s almost like someone from your own team telling you to get your shit together.

Thanks